its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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