EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
