Just cropdusted the office
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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