the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
