his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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