It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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