i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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