remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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