I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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