ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
