This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
