Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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