Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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