i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i now understand why vodka
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
