24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
