I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
