I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
