if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
