I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
