We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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