we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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