so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
