Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
