I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
