Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize