should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
