Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
