Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
