Swine flu is the new snow day.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
