it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
