What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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