i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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