So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
