I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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