That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
