how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
