she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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