Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
