I think im going to throw up on grandma
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
