Are we in a gay sports bar?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
