i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
