Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
