I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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