How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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