I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
