dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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