I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
