u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
