WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
