I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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