Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize