If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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