cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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