when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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