does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
