I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
