So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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