it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize