i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
