Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
