can we get nightvision for the apartment?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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