But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
