you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
