I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
