Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
