dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Help. Why am I so naked?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
