An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
