Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
