I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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