try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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