Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
