He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
