Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
