How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Soap is not a condiment
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
