conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
