How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
