spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
