I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
