why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
