you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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