is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
