I think I am morally bankrupt
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
