i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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