my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
