Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The uberlube is also flammable
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
