I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
