her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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