Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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