I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
