This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
