I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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