I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
