there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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