My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
