New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
