I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
