false alarm. still invincible.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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