Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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