He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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