So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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